Words Sakeenah N.
Digital Art Sakina K.
-11.02 19th July-
He said, ‘I want you to disappear.’
I said, ‘I believe we will meet again. Even if you don’t.’
He said, ‘This could have been true. But I don’t care’
I said, ‘It doesn’t matter, flight, train, supermarket…graves or heaven. We will meet again. And
you will remember me like you remembered all the other girls in your past.’
He said, ‘So will you.’
Yes, I will.
EK503 DXB- YYZ
I stuffed my duffel in the cabin above my seat and scooted to my seat near the window. I faced the huge wing and clear runway that was illuminated with tiny yellow lights as the sun began to set and the sky wore a new face of colour.
I was going back, it’s been two years since I’ve moved back there, and I’ve bounced back to
my folks at least three times in those three years. But each time I sit on a flight to go back to
where I came from, I rewind to every moment in my head while I’ve been here. And all I feel is
disappointment because those moments yet lack the one face I’ve hoped to see.
My attention diverts to the man that stops near my aisle, he blankly stares at me. And pulls
his baseball cap on his face, hiding it. And I have the sudden urge to hide my face with my
hair, so I let them fall on the right side of my face, covering it.
I feel him sit beside me. I eye his boarding pass making sure he’s on the right allotted seat. He
is. The pilot makes his announcements and within 45 minutes we’re in the clouds, the city
and it’s people all below us. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and remove a pile of forms
and papers from the backpack I set near my feet earlier.
‘You study at York?’ He suddenly asked, noticing the forms I was filling. And for the first time, I
saw him up close. He no longer wore a cap, he had messy dark hair and brown eyes framed
with silver rimless glasses.
‘Yeah, I do.’
‘Hmm…’ he plainly replies.
Once I’m done I’m about to close my eyes for a nap when I’m interrupted by voice of an air
hostess, ‘Ma’am, refreshments?’
I’m about to reply but am again interrupted, ‘Coffee with a splash of milk and 2 spoons of
sugar. White sugar.’ He answers. I look at him with utter shock, that was exactly what I was
going to ask for. ‘For me.’ He adds not even glancing at me.
I clear my throat and tell her in a hoarse voice, ‘Orange juice.’ I refuse to make any eye contact
while I silently gulp down my juice. This is probably the most uncomfortable I’ve ever felt.
‘Glad to see your taste for juice hasn’t changed yet. Here I thought your preferences changed
with your heart too.’ He says in an emotionless voice, not even blinking his eyes or breaking
eye contact as he speaks. He’s changed so much. But the biggest change I see is that he’s
turned heartless. His eyes void of any emotion.
I’m going to throw up.
I get up, leave my aisle, open the door to the aircraft washroom and throw up straight into the
toilet. After I flush and wash my face. I try to cage the tears. This is not what I had expected.
Moving back to my seat, I don’t even bother looking up at him but I know he’s staring. I ask
for a blanket, wrap myself in it, kick off my sneakers all look out of the window into the endless
sky as I cry not making the faintest sound.
The longest flight of my life.
”All passengers travelling from Dubai to Toronto, we hope you had a great experience with
Emirates and will join us again soon. Please prepare for landing.”
”Ma’am please pass me your blanket, we need you to buckle up and prepare for landing.” I
wonder if she’s talking to me because I’m pretty sure I’m too asleep to be spoken to.
”Uh, It’s alright just leave the blanket, I’m sure she’ll return it after landing. I’ll buckle her up,
she’s a heavy sleeper.” I have an urge to open my eyes and make sure he’s the one speaking.
But I decided against it. Then I feel him fasten my belt and straighten my legs. Suddenly I feel
his breath against the skin of my neck, near my ear. ”At least you still look like the same girl I
was in love with.” He moves a strand of my hair and tucks it behind my ear.
Was in love with.
When we finally begin to descend from the sky towards the city, I’m awake, I return the blanket
wear my sneakers and tie my hair in a messy knot. From the corner of my eye I look at him,
he’s sitting straight with his elbows perched up on the armrests and his hands clasped
together. With his eyes closed and creases on his forehead.
”At least you’re still afraid of landings, but that doesn’t make you the same guy I was in love
with,” I say in the exact same way he told me. He opens his eyes and looks into mine. We just
look. Until we hear a screech and halt, ”All passengers are welcomed to Toronto. The current
time is 4:22 am, the weather outside being cloudy 21°C. You can now switch on your cell
phones. We hope you had a safe and pleasant flight with Emirates.”
He forces a smile and says, ‘I want you to disappear.’
I mimic his expression and reply, ‘Yet, we meet again. And you remember.’
‘So I do, and so do you.’
Yes, I do.
GO Station Downtown Toronto
”I’m coming in a few, just caught the train. Be there soon.” I ended the call and looked for a
vacant seat. It was 4 o’clock in the afternoon and I’d just gotten off work. The sun was still
shining and there were more than usual commuters today since it was a Friday. I spotted one
seat and walked towards it, muttering a few ‘Excuse me’s’ to people as I tried to get through.
I was about to sit down on the vacant seat near the window but was pushed from the back.
The jolt made me drop my just bought, three quarter ways full Tim Hortons- on someone’s lap.
Ouch. That was hot.
The moment my eyes met the victim, who I had generously drenched with burning coffee. I
wasn’t the slightest bit, guilty or embarrassed.
”What the hell? Are you fucking blind?” He spat at me. ”Or was this on purpose? So you could
burn my body too, just like you burnt my heart?”
”I guess fate just knows when to knock on your gate.” I flatly replied.
Before I sat down, I threw a pack of wipes at him from my backpack. ”I’m not sorry for spilling
the coffee. I’m just sorry for wasting it on you.” I commented. I sat on the vacant seat in
front of him and looked out of the window in search of eternal escape. I swallowed the bile in
my throat and tried to calm my heart as it burnt down. I refuse to cry, not here, not in front of
I stole a glance as he cleaned the coffee off of his flannel and jeans. His hair still the same
since last year, he wore black glasses and had a longer beard. It wasn’t dirty, it was well
maintained, and it wasn’t grown everywhere, just on the borders of his jawline. He looked the
same different as on the flight last year. The biggest ‘same’ being his heartless voice and
eyes empty of emotion.
He threw the pack at my face. Which disoriented my glasses, and hit my nose, ”Shit. Uh, they
broke.” He said rubbing his hand behind his neck.
I removed them to see a crack in the left eye glass. ”What are you, freaking iron man? Is this
fucking revenge?” I internally cringe at my words. I never use such language, but he deserves
it. Only he.
He looks at me, and then, screams.
”Revenge? You think this is freaking revenge? What are you a 4 year old? Behave like an
adult for once Samantha. You are such a reck. The way I see it, you don’t deserve my bloody
revenge either. Let alone, my love. You’re the most selfish lady I’ve met. You could have done
so much more, but you did nothing.”
I’m in tears, he’s towering over me as we’re both standing, and everyone on the train is silent
because they’re looking at us. The only sound audible is a terrified child.
The doors open. I don’t even bother to look at what station it is and get off.
I run through the platform into a lady’s restroom and clutch the faucet as I cry. ”You left this
there.” He says from behind.
”You’re in the lady’s,” I say wiping my tears and washing my face. He hands me a small towel
from my bag.
”You left this there.” He repeats and I see him look at me in the mirror. When I don’t reply he
sets it on the basin counter. ”I’m not sorry for what I said. I’m just sorry for where I said it.”
He says wiping a tear from my eye with his thumb. I notice his own eyes are glossy. I turn my
head away from the intensity of his stare.
I still don’t reply.
He turns to leave but stops. Faces me and says, ”I want you to disappear.”
”Yet we meet again. And you remember.”
”So I do, and so do you. And I’ve made it harder for you to forget.” He says coldly.
”I think I’ve done the same. Because you shouldn’t be able to forget.”
”I shouldn’t, but so shouldn’t you.”
Damn you, Aman. Only you.
”Strawberries? Check. Digestive Biscuits? Check. I know I’m forgetting something, what else
are you supposed to put in a cheesecake?” I muttered to myself.
”Right! Cheese! Than-” I turned around to thank the voice but stopped.
”You always forget the cheese.” He said.
”I do not. Things have changed a lot. I have changed a lot. You have changed a lot.” I
answered and pushed my trolley across him.
Away from him.
”Sam…I need you to listen.” He stopped me, holding my upper arm. Deep breaths.
”It’s Samantha for you. A year ago you perfectly showed me and another 150 people, how
much I need to disappear. You don’t need to show me again. That’s what I’m doing now.
Disappearing.” I shot. It sounded just like him. Heartless.
”Samantha…” He whispered as I started to walk away.
He can’t love me. Not anymore. He can’t apologize. Not anymore.
I turned around. Walked towards him. He looked at me with so much of hope.
”I’m getting married, Aman. This is the end.”
I saw his eyes crack, and I could hear his heart break. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath
and continued, ”I know I broke your’s first, but you broke mine a thousand times after that.
Eight years, until that flight. Nine years, until that train. And 10 years, until today. I loved you.
But you didn’t come back like you always did. When you have, I don’t have a heart to give
His eyes closed as tears flowed from his eyes. He never cries. But when he does, it’s because
he’s completely shattered.
I wiped my own tears and said, ”This time, I want you to disappear.”
”Yet, we meet again. And you and I both remember.”
”We do. But not anymore .”
”I will. So will you.”
-I saw his entire soul collapse. Yet, I left him there in the middle of Walmart at 12.00am on the 20 of July. To disappear.-
”Did you love him?”
”I loved him. It was beautiful. But it wasn’t fated.”
”I’m glad it wasn’t, else I wouldn’t have found you.”
”I loved him. I know I have a scarred heart, but now, this moment, I am completely in love with
”I see it your eyes. You’re the bravest girl I know because you mended your heart and were
brave enough to fall in love again. You were brave enough to accept my shattered heart, and
make me fall in love again too.”
I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat, ”I love that we love each other despite having
no hearts to give.”
His hands wrapped around my shoulder, ”No love, we didn’t give hearts. We gave souls.”
I cried in onto him. Letting all the memories go. People hopelessly fall in love, because love is
above them. But I and Him stand, hand in hand because love is around us.
Epilogue- Graves Or Heaven
He says, ‘I wanted you to disappear.’
She says, ‘I believed we would meet again. Even if you didn’t.’
He says, ‘That could have been true. And I can’t believe it is.’
She says, ‘It didn’t matter, flight, train, supermarket…graves or heaven. We always met again.
And you remembered.’
He says, ‘So did you.’
Yes, I did.